Be prepared for the Coitus Publicus...

8
Keep it down. If you need a pillow to muffle your cries of joy, you're not ready for public sex.

9
Act casual. Avoid thrusting and grinding while "casually sitting" on your partner's lap. Talk, laugh, smile (but not too goofy). It's like running with a superfit friend and trying not to hyperventilate. Except instead of hiding that you're out of shape, you're hiding the fact that your privates are connected.

10
Cover your tracks. Bring a comb or hairbrush to tame your sex hair. Tuck your shirt back in. Wear patterned clothes to camouflage any stains. And seriously, have some class: Pack a travel-size toothbrush and toothpaste set and brush your teeth before kissing your grandmother if your mouth has been below hip level.

Source: TOC/ D.H.