Before you take the risk of your coitus publicus, here are ten tips of engagement: 

1
Dress strategically. Long skirts for park sex. Commando for cars, dressing rooms and bathrooms. For the ladies, side ties on your bikini bottom for water sex. Sweatpants or loose jeans for guys-this is about the only time the K-Fed look will work for you.

2
Choose your location wisely. Meaning no one should be around-and definitely no kids. Leave parks for after-dark hours when the only "straight" family members are dads cruising on the DL.

3
Play it safe. Tote along condoms and lube pillow packs (silicone-based for lake or pool sex) - they're only about $1 each!

4
Be tidy. Bring a Ziploc bag to dispose of the condom wrapper, used condom and used pillow pack. It prevents littering, plus your trash won't tip off the police to your favorite sex spot.

5
Make excuses. If caught-by the police, dressing-room attendant, bouncer, your parents - say that the zipper on your pants got stuck and you needed help or something.

6
Make yourself comfortable. Though outdoor sex seems romantic in "Remember the Mountain Bed," pine needles and poison ivy on your privates are gross - bring a hoodie so that you can lay your bare butt on it.

7
Learn from gay men. Many straight folks think sex means intercourse, which, in public, is rarely realistic or (for women) orgasmic. Gay men are often more creative; much of their public sex involves hands and mouths.

Read on Page 3: Cover your tracks!