Orgasm: Who comes first ?!

Have you ever felt guilty that you orgasmed before your partner during sex? Or have you ever felt angry that "he" came first and then didn't bother to help you come? Ever faffed about as you said, 'After you,' and he said, 'No, I insist, you go first...' until both of you lost interest? Yes, we've all been there, struggling with the rights and wrongs of exactly when and how to come, and we feel the worse for it because we're sure the whole thing should be incredibly simple. So why isn't it?

Most couples who have serious trouble with this kind of problem find that once a pattern is set between them, it's often incredibly hard to change their orgasming habits. It's as if you've both agreed that this is the way you do it. If one of you isn't happy, grudges can develop and sex can soon go right off the boil. So, if you're not content with the orgasm etiquette in your relationship, can you do anything about it before it becomes damaging to your relationship? The answer is yes, but you're going to have to work at it actively.

One of the most frequently occuring grievances for women in this "coming"-thing is that they give in to the seemingly more urgent needs of their partners, let them come first and end up unsatisfied. Women often feel a huge pressure to make sure their partner comes - without him coming, they see sex as a failure. But of course, sex without the prospect of an orgasm for you quickly becomes a total drag, you lose interest and your bloke becomes dissatisfied with his unenthusiastic partner. Bad news.

What's needed here is for you to turn things on their head and make sure you come first for a while - no matter what! If necessary, take charge of the situation and use your own hand to orgasm. And don't do it on the sly - make sure he knows what you're up to. If you tend to come quietly and he might not notice, tell him you've come, and tell him how horny it makes you to come in front of him, too. It's surprising how arousing a bloke can find this after being with a woman who's shown no interest for ages. Once you feel he's getting the idea that you need your orgasms, you can go back to letting him come first now and then - but don't let the old pattern dominate, and if it starts to, take charge again.